The Grumpy Chef: Genesis of a Grumpy Chef (As published in ONE magazine)

Monday 11 January 2010

Genesis of a Grumpy Chef (As published in ONE magazine)

Bonsoir mes merveilles d'or scrumptious de sel et au vinaigre!

I don’t quite know where it all started...my own grumpy love of food. Maybe it was the mounds and pounds of brussels sprouts I was forced to peel on Christmas at three years old. Maybe it was my first corporate kitchen experience, dissecting and quartering forty frozen, pre-roasted chickens leaving my entire torso and brand new pristine-white clogs covered in chicken fat, hen skin and soggy giblets. When I returned home after my delightful first day, my Father, who’d never so much as run a vacuum cleaner in seventeen years guarded the front door until I stripped to my boxers in the street and binned my uniform.

I remember now, it was my first ‘real’ kitchen job in a two-rosette restaurant. I was the Commis Extraordinaire, lowliest of the low; the bottom rung of the ladder, Orwell’s plongeur: a young target for every Jolly-Jack-Tar to push, pull, punch, cajole, kick, and once, even try to ram an entire Salmon up my young a— . With this, came the realisation that most, if not all, Chef’s are nasty, sarcastic, drunk, narcissists with a penchant for depravity (see: ‘Salmon’). This was the beginning of my evolutionary process; where it all began. But one incident in particular made me the crabby cuisinier I am today—when ‘The Grumpy Chef’ was born.

First, take a flavoursome Pâté de Foie Gras: finished with a vibrant caramelized red onion chutney and robust slices of airy Brioche toasted to perfection; followed by a salad of peppery Mizuna and fresh cilantro, gently dressed with extra virgin olive oil, cracked black pepper and crunchy rock salt. The result: a plated orgasm, erotically enticing any lucky recipient to dine in sublime ecstasy.

Next, add the f*ing “customer” who sent the dish back. ‘Why?’ you may ask. Why send back a wonderfully crafted plate of delightful flavour and texture that took such a great amount of time and skill to create? Answer: his girlfriend, who’d decided that right then, there, at my table six, would be the perfect time to tell him l’origine de foie gras — that a goose had its bill opened, a tube shoved down inside, and then had been force-fed until its liver was on the near point of exploding just so we could cut it out and enjoy. So what? I worked long and hard on that pate, first time on my own without one of those Chef de Partie numpties screaming in my ear and down my neck, which, I could stand—but a plate return, never!! A dish created lovingly and brought to your table at the zenith of perfection and you send it back? To that ‘person’ I say this ... to this day I hold only contempt for you, and your kin — which only fuels my passion.

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Grumpy Chef is trying to give up those atrocious sticks of pure evil called 'cigarettes'. God help us all...any ideas who is gonna help God though? I don't.

News, news, news. Yours truly has been asked to write for ONE Magazine again! At least I am good for something. Initial draft due in by Friday and publication should be released on the 25th January. If you would like to keep an eye on my ramblings there then please follow the link in the 'Beyond The Hotplate' section. Also, to remind you all I am twittering now...so follow me at the top of this page and for those on Facebook, the Grumpy Chef Groupies Page needs some more members and as always all comments are gladly welcomed.

Until next time my delightful Snozberries...

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Chef Alain Ducasse

Alain Ducasse (born 13 September 1956) is a Monégasque chef. He formerly held French nationality. He operates a number of restaurants including Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester which holds three stars (the top ranking) in the Michelin Guide.

Ducasse was born on a farm in Castel-Sarrazin in southwestern France. In 1972, when he was sixteen, Ducasse began an apprenticeship at the Pavillon Landais restaurant in Soustons and at theBordeaux hotel school. After this apprenticeship, he began work at Michel Guérard’s restaurant in Eugénie-les-Bains while also working for Gaston Lenôtre during the summer months. In 1977, Ducasse started working as an assistant at Moulin de Mougins under legendary chef Roger Vergé, creator of Cuisine du Soleil, and learned the Provençal cooking methods for which he was later known.

Ducasse's first position as chef came in 1980 when he took over the kitchens at L’amandier in Eugène Mougin. One year later, he assumed the position of head chef at La Terrasse in the Hôtel Juana in Juan-les-Pins. In 1984, he was awarded two stars in the Michelin Red Guide. In that same year, Ducasse was the only survivor of a Learjet crash that nearly took his life.

In 1986, Ducasse was offered the Chef position at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo, with management including the hotel's Le Louis XV. After assuring himself that the Hotel's other restaurant operations were operating well, Ducasse continued to run management.

In 1988, Ducasse expanded beyond the restaurant industry and opened La Bastide de Moustiers, a twelve-bedroom country inn in Provence and he began attaining financial interests in other Provence hotels. On 12 August 1996, the Alain Ducasse restaurant opened in Le Parc – Sofitel Demeure Hôtels in the XVIe arrondissement (16th district) of Paris, France. The Red Guide awarded the restaurant three stars just eight months after opening.

Ducasse came to the United States and in June 2000 opened the Alain Ducasse restaurant in New York City's Essex House Hotel at 160 Central Park South, receiving the Red Guide's three stars in December 2005, in the first Red Guide for NYC. That restaurant closed in 2007. In early 2008, Ducasse opened Adour, at the St. Regis Hotel on 16th and K Street in Washington, DC, and has also opened a more casual Bistro Benoit New York, at 60 West 55th Street.

Ducasse became the first chef to own restaurants carrying three Michelin Stars in three cities. The New York restaurant was dropped from the 2007 Michelin Guide because the restaurant was scheduled to close. Ducasse has become known through his writing and influences. Ducasse is also the only chef to hold 19 Michelin stars throughout his career (Masterchef 2010)

Ducasse was a French citizen by birth. However, on 17 June 2008, he became a naturalized citizen of Monaco. Since Monegasque nationality law does not allow dual citizenship, he immediately lost his French citizenship as a result. He chose Monegasque citizenship in order to take advantage of the principality's very low tax rates.

Alain Ducasse's restaurants, cooking schools, cookbooks, and consulting activities had revenues of $15.9 million in 2002. Since that time, Ducasse has been expanding his reach. Alain Ducasse has also opened a cooking school for the general public in Paris and another for chefs (ADF), which also works for the European Space Agency to develop astronaut meals to be taken into space. Ducasse has also authored numerous books, with the most famous being Alain Ducasse Culinary Encyclopaedia.