Bonsoir mon bavardage et blowfish fortement toxique...
How should a steak be eaten? Anyone who just made the comment, 'With a knife and fork...snigger...snigger', will be promptly hunted down and have their genitalia beaten severely with a tenderiser! It is a serious question. One that has been asked since the first human decided that maybe yanking on this dangling thingy was a bad idea and decided to cut it open and cook it...even before they realised you could milk the other gender!
Everyone has their own preference. Its like a cup of tea! You make your own cup as it has taken you a good half decade to get it just right...because so many factors have to be taken into account and you have it down to a perfect art. My Father is the perfect example...Teabag in first, then water that has boiled but settled for approximately 10 seconds, the cup is then filled 3/4 full, held over the sink and the bag is dunked in and out of the water six times (no more, no less) and finally the milk is added to just below the rim of the cup. Add two Rich Tea biscuits or if the occasion permits, a Penguin, and that is him on his way to 'Tetley Heaven'. Sad B*****d!
A succulent piece of prime Heffer is just the same...no one will ever cook it the same as you. Every Chef I know and have known over the years will constantly argue over the correct colouring, blood flow and texture of 'Medium-Rare' or any of the other variants we have.
In my opinion, there are only 3 levels when cooking a piece of Steak...Blue (also affectionately known as 'Kill it, Wipe its arse and Plate it), Rare (I would usually give around 2 mins each side then rest for 5 minutes) and finally Medium-Rare (pink throughout with a nice flow of blood and juices meandering through each other as it rests on my board). Cook a Steak any longer than that and you have a catastrophe!!!
Now I am not going to sit here berating others for having their Steaks cooked over M-R but I will go into the reasons why they should try and develop some taste buds! Not only is this blog post educational, but it could save your Life...and probably your Soul, you cold-hearted B******s! (sorry, force of habit...Hehe!)
If you order Medium or Medium-Well you will usually fore go any right to be served a decent cut of beef. For the likes of you 'safe-eaters' the cut you will be served is from either side of the section usually saved for Chateaubriand (which is the section that the Chef will, majority of the time, have for his evening meal on a Saturday night after service). Its not the best cut, but it certainly ain't the worst. Please bare in mind at this point that you are still paying the same price as all the other God-like Humans on this planet that are ordering the best cut of beef and enjoying its more intense and mouth-watering flavours. In my experience, cretins...sorry, people eating this way are usually open to suggestion and a few that have actually listened to me in the past are still enjoying steaks but cooked correctly and no more than M-R...some even went from M-W to Rare in a matter of hours after an extremely persuasive cooking demonstration with myself and the cast of a Cravendale advert
As for the the Heathens of this world, the non-believers, the ex-abattoir inspectors, the overly safe-eaters...the piece of beef you receive all dressed up with sauce and prettiness has been reserved for you for quite a while! You must feel honoured, but please understand that this 'honour' will be short lived. You will get your steak 'Well Done'! It will arrive cremated on your plate like the sole of a 1920's Brouge...dry and lifeless! It wont be from the most juiciest part of the cut, it wont be from the outskirts of 'downtown delectable', it will be from either the largest end which sits near the Rump (or arse for those of a non culinary nature) or it will be removed form the other end which falls into the Short Loin (or 'Witches Hat' end due to its shape) and beaten flat before cooking. Not to tenderise but to make sure that when the shriveled piece of leather is plated it still covers some of the plate.
The piece you have been given will have been sitting in a service fridge or reach-in for a while and it is the piece that has been pushed to the back over the past several days until you have sauntered in and ordered the abomination that is 'Well Done'! To explain so you understand the nature of your follies...a story!
I once knew an amazing Chef. He was Greek and his name was...Costas! Great name and very predictably un-PC! Costas could serve 100 people on his own even if they had just pulled up outside on two buses without prior booking and present a fantastic meal for them. Give him four middle class Accountants sitting down for a pre-booked a la carte dinner experience and it was usual to see him running around like a headless chicken with its tail feathers on fire!
Well, this restaurant had its regular customers...mostly from the older contingency that meandered around the town looking for a deal or two and moaning if the soup didn't appear to be bubbling in its bowl when served and then letting it cool down as it was to hot to stomach!
One customer used to come in every Friday at 2pm. Every Friday he would shuffle to his usual table, order his glass of Sherry and place his food order...a Well Done Fillet Steak with Hand Cut Chips. He had been a regular of two months and always complained...'the Steak was awful'...'crap'...'no flavour'...'wrong texture'...'I wouldn't even feed it to my dog'!
Eventually fed up with this scenario repeating itself over and over again, Costas decided to do something about it. One Friday morning he arrived at his usual time and grabbed a piece of Fillet steak from his service fridge...the rump end if you are interested. He proceeded to tie a piece of string around the steak and tied the other end of the string to the rear loop of his Chef trousers. When he let go of the steak it fell behind him and landed on the tiled floor with a delightful thud. Costas, I am lead to believe, smiled!
So, for the next four hours, the steak bounced around behind Costas wherever he went..around the kitchens, down the store room corridors...outside to the bin stores...while he carried on with his usual day. When 2pm came...the order came in! Fillet Steak 'Well Done' with Hand Cut Chips.
Costas removed the steak from the entwined string, washed it of under the cold tap and massacred it!!! It was pasnfried, deep fried, weighted down on the top of the flat stove and grilled about an inch away from the flames. Conclusion to this story..
The customer complimented Costas on finally getting it right...in person! Costas frog marched the customer out of the restaurant and politely told him to 'F**k Off, don't come back here again'!
Harsh? No! Necessary? Yes! Will you remember this? Please do!
So, have we answered the question? Not really. If you want to appear like someone who understands the fundamentals of cookery , flavour and texture then order correctly. You want to appear as some dozy twonk who has no idea what a steak should taste like, then carry on. Who knows where your steak has been? Bon Apetite!
On that Culinary Note my wonderful Wontons...
Bonne nuit mes lecteurs évalués et nouvelle année heureuse!