Monday, 18 August 2008

The Younger Generation

Bonjour mes escargots de mer fermentants!

The Youth of today need a damn good short, sharp kick in their posteriors! Obviously not content with mugging old age pensioners, spray painting structures on a whim, getting pregnant, drinking vast amounts of alcohol, getting pregnant again and victimizing anyone stupid enough to actually point out that they are being wee B******s, these hoodie hooligans feel the need to work for a living is beneath them.

After recently taking on a young go-getter in the position of Commis Chef, I realised that giving opportunities to the younger generation made my job a little bit more worthwhile. Passing on recipes, skills and trade secrets was actually exciting me. It was a joy to explain the five cuts of vegetables, why you put a dash of vinegar into a pan while poaching an egg and the finer points of towel whipping fellow workers.

Then, of course, he began to turn up late for work, blaming buses and road works. An acceptable excuse I suppose. In the end, he didn't turn in for work yesterday putting pressure on the Kitchen and its many hard working bodies. After interrogating my Kitchen Porter by way of towel-whippings, mushroom missiles and the threat of some serious hugging, he divulged that said Commis had been out drinking with him the night before until 3am. For a brief moment, my mind wandered. I remembered past exploits of a personal nature. Early morning breakfast shifts after two hours sleep, mid-afternoon naps under kitchen benches using sacks of flour as pillows and drinking gallons of espressos' and energy drinks, sometimes even both together.

Now if I could do all the late night parties and nightclubs before starting work the next day, why on earth can't these youngsters? I still cannot sleep till gone two in the morning and I can still make it in looking and smelling fresh as a daisy and I expect my staff to be able to do the same. It's really not that difficult, yet these whipper-snappers find it difficult actually setting their alarm clocks, getting out of bed, dressing themselves properly and making way to their place of employment without any help from their mums'! Who do these bloody kids think they are?

Well, they are the future and that scares the bejeezus out of me! To think I will be putting my pension years in the hands of young adults that wear jeans ten times bigger than a marquee, trainers that you could fit a family of asylum seekers in so as to send them back over the blustery North Sea and shape their hair so they look like Woody Woodpecker on a bad hair day!

So, when you have to work with these insolent, rooster-fied, cheeky and belligerent cretins, put your foot down. Especially if you run a Kitchen. I usually give my newly employed youngsters a small insight into the world of Catering by means of a little speech written for the fabulous series 'Chef' starring the amazing Lenny Henry as Gareth Blackstock, a Michelin-starred Chef on the brink of full-on mental collapse.

I give you......The Commis Chefs' Creed!

"I will work very long hours for very little money. In the Winter I will always be hot, in the Summer, even hotter still. In time my hands will develop a heat-resistant quality even NASA would be proud of. I am the lowliest of the low, but given the opportunity and by my own effort, I will become a valued member of the Team."

This little quote will give even the most eager recruit a few things to think about. If they then decide to carry on with the signing of a contract, they are ready and may the Force be with them......they will need it.

In the News this week......not much has happened!

Jusqu'à ce que nous rencontrions encore mes daikons délicieux!

Le Chef Grincheux

1 comment:

SheR. said...

Hi Chef!
Yes.. I'm still a Commis Chef. And I remembered those days when I will turn up for work half awake and had to bug the nice commis waiters to bring me an extra strong espresso.
I believe it's the sense of responsibility and discipline when one decides to embark on his chef career.
Like you said, working two shifts the day before, a few hours sleep and back to work the next morning as breakfast chef. Not many can do it, and for those who made it through those times, they will be great chefs! Respect!