The Grumpy Chef: 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes?......Kids Play!

Monday 5 May 2008

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes?......Kids Play!

L'horreur... L'horreur! Quand finira-t-il?

What a fine Bank Holiday it has been. Heart-warming rays of sunshine, ducklings swimming in uniform lines with their mother while the culinary masters visualise their next 'confit de canard avec les pruneaux et l'armagnac'. Somewhere, in the distance, a lone starling twitters for its mate and the day has begun with such vigour.

Unfortunately, like the Trojan Horse of Troy, it holds a dark secret. A sinister undertone within its virtual belly. The secret lurks deep within its bowels, waiting and watching for the Sun's shimmering glow. Poised with anticipation and excitement. Eagerly waiting for the start of that day when people can go mad with gusto and enjoy that 'Holy Grail' that is a Bank Holiday Monday.

If you have ever witnessed a horror film full of carnivorous zombies clawing and chewing their way through a humans' digestive system, then you can picture my restaurant on a day that should be put aside for D.I.Y and barbeque's. Most of the nocturnal Egor's can resist the urge to venture out during daylight, but the ones who thrive on the thrill of eating out bombard the eateries of the UK for light lunches, high teas and full a la carte experiences. They decimate a plethora of creative courses meant for the discerning diner and drag it into an abyss of chips, baked beans and eggs over-easy.

They came in droves. Gnawing and chomping their way through steaks, battered cod and burgers, some even without cutlery! It made the apocalypse look like a day trip to Bangor. Every table strewn with food debris and crushed napkins, it looked like the end of the world was nigh and the Pont de Barre was the epicentre of it all.

With the aftermath came the 4 hours of wind-down time I needed before even contemplating sleep. Three hundred people on the Monday alone with a total of 600 served on the three days prior to that. When you dish up that many meals with little or no complaints, then you know you have done your job and done it bloody well. You feel on top of your game and quite rightly so.

So as I languish on a beach in North Wales with the sun beating down from on high, the icy waters lapping at my toes and seagulls dive bombing overhead, this weeks' rant will have to be postponed. Yes, that is right, you read correctly. It has been put on hold, saved for future posts and held back!

My apologies to all my avid readers but as it is also my daughters birthday today, the insane mutterings of the Grumpy Chef will just have to wait until next time. I'm sure within a few days, my insanity will be back to its' normal 'through the roof' levels and the painful throbbing in my head will return with great enthusiasm. Also, the others (Sebastian, Molly and The Evil One) will soon be back from their hols so I think my compact and bijou brain will begin to get quite crowded again. (But it won't be for long if Sebastian makes me wear that damn pink tank-top again. I just don't do glitter! It plays havoc with my complexion and as for Molly, well, once she starts to yap on, no-one else can get a word in edge ways)

As a parting gift though, I would like to give you a couple of tips regarding 'on the edge' Chefs'. If you ever see one, do not approach! Quietly send in a young child asking for some ice cream and watch the culinary nutter melt into sighs of 'Aw, how cute. Of course you can'. Or, a little easier I feel, offer him a brace of pheasant and a few bunny rabbits. Always does the trick!

Till next time my beloved Belgian Waffles......Have a fantastic week!

Le Chef Grincheux

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: Where's the interesting reading gone grumpy??; 11 May 2008 at 22:54
Anonymous said...: @ Anonymous (If that is your real name). I do apologise for the lack of rant and I feel your distress. In my most recent post, I did state that as it was my Daughter's birthday, I would not be grumbling on like some deranged lunatic with an ego the size of a watermelon. As this monumentous occasion has now past, I will be returning to my normal everyday self as soon as is humanly possible. If you had actually bothered to read the post, taking care to let it all sink in, you would have realised that it explains everything. Thank you for your time.; 12 May 2008 at 08:48
Anonymous said...: What's NOT interesting? You tell'em Grumpy Chef!; 12 May 2008 at 10:24

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Chef Alain Ducasse

Alain Ducasse (born 13 September 1956) is a Monégasque chef. He formerly held French nationality. He operates a number of restaurants including Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester which holds three stars (the top ranking) in the Michelin Guide.

Ducasse was born on a farm in Castel-Sarrazin in southwestern France. In 1972, when he was sixteen, Ducasse began an apprenticeship at the Pavillon Landais restaurant in Soustons and at theBordeaux hotel school. After this apprenticeship, he began work at Michel Guérard’s restaurant in Eugénie-les-Bains while also working for Gaston Lenôtre during the summer months. In 1977, Ducasse started working as an assistant at Moulin de Mougins under legendary chef Roger Vergé, creator of Cuisine du Soleil, and learned the Provençal cooking methods for which he was later known.

Ducasse's first position as chef came in 1980 when he took over the kitchens at L’amandier in Eugène Mougin. One year later, he assumed the position of head chef at La Terrasse in the Hôtel Juana in Juan-les-Pins. In 1984, he was awarded two stars in the Michelin Red Guide. In that same year, Ducasse was the only survivor of a Learjet crash that nearly took his life.

In 1986, Ducasse was offered the Chef position at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo, with management including the hotel's Le Louis XV. After assuring himself that the Hotel's other restaurant operations were operating well, Ducasse continued to run management.

In 1988, Ducasse expanded beyond the restaurant industry and opened La Bastide de Moustiers, a twelve-bedroom country inn in Provence and he began attaining financial interests in other Provence hotels. On 12 August 1996, the Alain Ducasse restaurant opened in Le Parc – Sofitel Demeure Hôtels in the XVIe arrondissement (16th district) of Paris, France. The Red Guide awarded the restaurant three stars just eight months after opening.

Ducasse came to the United States and in June 2000 opened the Alain Ducasse restaurant in New York City's Essex House Hotel at 160 Central Park South, receiving the Red Guide's three stars in December 2005, in the first Red Guide for NYC. That restaurant closed in 2007. In early 2008, Ducasse opened Adour, at the St. Regis Hotel on 16th and K Street in Washington, DC, and has also opened a more casual Bistro Benoit New York, at 60 West 55th Street.

Ducasse became the first chef to own restaurants carrying three Michelin Stars in three cities. The New York restaurant was dropped from the 2007 Michelin Guide because the restaurant was scheduled to close. Ducasse has become known through his writing and influences. Ducasse is also the only chef to hold 19 Michelin stars throughout his career (Masterchef 2010)

Ducasse was a French citizen by birth. However, on 17 June 2008, he became a naturalized citizen of Monaco. Since Monegasque nationality law does not allow dual citizenship, he immediately lost his French citizenship as a result. He chose Monegasque citizenship in order to take advantage of the principality's very low tax rates.

Alain Ducasse's restaurants, cooking schools, cookbooks, and consulting activities had revenues of $15.9 million in 2002. Since that time, Ducasse has been expanding his reach. Alain Ducasse has also opened a cooking school for the general public in Paris and another for chefs (ADF), which also works for the European Space Agency to develop astronaut meals to be taken into space. Ducasse has also authored numerous books, with the most famous being Alain Ducasse Culinary Encyclopaedia.